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My brain pooped out some stuff…

10.29.2009

Good evening. 🙂 Today was kinda super busy at work, so I came home and really needed to relax best I could. I decided to do that by working out, listening to music, discovering some new music, reading a bit and watching disc 2 of The Simpsons eighth season dvd set. (some super awesome episodes to be sure) I also read over some previous posts on this blog, which made me think about my blogging and general mental processes, and I documented a few of those thoughts below. More blathering, I’m afraid…

ps — the first episode on disc 2 of the Simpsons season eight is “Lisa’s Date With Density.” This is one of my top 3 favorite Simpsons episodes ever (it rotates for ultimate favorite with “Summer of 4 ft 2” and “Bart Sells His Soul.”) Lisa’s Date With Density features my very favorite frame from any TV show EVER. Unfortunately, I can’t get it to be bigger than this:

 

milhousejump

 

*Is it obvious that I don’t edit my posts much? The quality level of my writing varies depending on how tired I am, and I think it’s pretty clear that I’m always quite tired when I blog. I can’t blog at work, so here I am, at home, at the end of the day, trying to express a few random thoughts. My language is stilted, my grammar is poor and my punctuation comprehension is questionable. You should expect more of me, I am an editor after all.

*On the flip side, you are definitely getting thoughts fresh from my head, even if they are incomplete and poorly worded. Stream of consciousness, for sure. Well, I take that back a little. I do edit myself, in terms of what I allow myself to post. There are thoughts that don’t make it to this blog. But it’s not like I write these posts and then get out the red pen in my mind and go over what I’ve written in detail.

*There are a few blogs I enjoy and I often read them and find myself thinking “I wish my blog sounded like that.” Probably won’t happen, though — I have to stick with my own voice for this blog to be really true. It’s tough to write what comes out of my head and also make that sound more fun/perky/entertaining from the get go. I think my personal voice can be fun/peppy/silly/entertaining, but it’s hard for all of that to come through when I’m tired and have been writing/editing stories about heavy industry all day long.

 

*Here is a story that is semi-related to this:

–A couple of months ago, I was visiting my doctor and complaining to him (in a non-whiny way). I was upset/annoyed because I’d noticed that my comprehension level was at an all time low while reading for fun. I would pick up books, lose interest quickly, and move on to something else — be it another book, magazine, TV, the internet or some other activity. I used to open a book when I got on the bus and didn’t close it until my stop came up. Now, however, if I read at all, it’s likely I’ll only read a couple of pages at most. I prefer to just listen to my music and zone out. Or listen to music with my eyes shut.

–One of the side effects of tossing books aside is that I forget characters and story lines when I finally pick them up again. Makes me feel like I’m going brain dead.

–So, I told all this to my doc and he said it was odd – this should not be happening, considering my medical history, etc. He said I could take some meds to improve my memory or get a neurological test that would a) cost a few thousand $$ and b) not be covered by insurance. I didn’t like either of these options.

–I left his office and decided to pay more attention to my memory retention levels and reading habits. It didn’t take me long to figure out what was happening. Around the time I lost interest in reading for fun, my job changed. I began doing a lot more editing than ever before, so I spent most of my day reading — making my eyes and brain tired. At some point, my brain was unwilling to jam much more into it, regardless if I was reading for fun or work. And, not surprisingly, ANYONE who starts reading a book, puts it down and then picks it up two months later is VERY likely to forget stuff within said book.

–Duh, Staci. I saw my doc again the other day and told all of this to him. Then I started laughing at myself and asked him if I sounded like a total idiot, because all of this seemed completely obvious. He just smiled kindly and said it all made sense — and only I was able to figure out that my reading comprehension/interest decreased when my job changed. He went further (possibly to stroke my ego or just make me feel better) by saying that I have a stressful job (he said “extremely stressful”) and that will definitely have an impact on my brain functions in a number of ways. He ended with, “Don’t worry or freak out, you’re doing ok and handling things really well. You have to keep in mind that your job is crazy a lot of the time and that it’s going to affect other things in your life.”

–See, I have all these thoughts, but it makes me feel better when a medical professional has the same thoughts. On more than one occasion, I’ve gone into my doc’s office and told him that I feel like I’m “losing it” and ask if it’s possible that my brain is rotting away — similar to what happens to people who abuse crystal meth (or so I’ve been told), even though I have never done crystal meth or anything like it. Yes, really, I’ve really asked this more than once.

–Do you remember that episode of the Simpsons where Marge is all stressed out, causing her to lose her hair? (the episode with Sherry Bobbins) At one point, she turns and you can see holes in her tower of blue curls? Well, that is what I imagine my brain to look like when my mental functions feel like they’re operating at an all time low.

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