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“Stew for another week, and then let the moon do the rest!”

01.10.2010

Happy New Year! It’s 2010, so not only is it a new year, it’s a new decade. I really needed a new decade, so this one came along at just the right time. Around the middle of December 2009, it occurred to me that the “aughts” or “naughties” (or whatever you want to call that collection of 10 years), were pretty bad for me. Soul crushingly terrible, you might say. No, not every second of the decade was that bad, but overall, it was pretty much not good. I’m only 32, so I don’t like that an entire decade of my life – approximately 1/3 of my life – was mired in strife and sadness. I’m not whining or asking for pity or over-exaggerating for dramatic effect or anything like that, I’m just saying: things were bad for the most part, but I have no desire for them to stay that way. So, I decided pretty quickly that I need to make some changes. I haven’t outlined exactly what those changes will be, but I have a basic idea. Lucky for me (and smart of me, I might add), I started making a number of changes to improve my life a few years ago. I’m seeing the benefit of those actions now, which is pretty nice.

I know I’m being vague, but I’m not sure how to explain or describe things and I don’t really want to take the time to rehash the last 10 years of my life. It wouldn’t be that fun or interesting to most people. Not even interesting to me, probably. Also, the overall negative-ness of the last decade was not because of a specific person or various people or anything like that. I’m not blaming anyone or even myself. There’s no one to blame. It was just like the cosmos said, “Ok, Staci, deal with this right now and I’ll get back to you in a few.” So, I dealt with it and am saying, “thanks cosmos, but I’m done with this and you can have it back. I’m ready for something new.” I’m acknowledging that things weren’t great and it’s up to me to make them better because, well, no one else would be able to do it. It’s a new year and a new decade and a good time for fresh starts. I’m doing little things here and there to improve stuff.

I keep thinking about “James and the Giant Peach.” My mom read this book to my siblings and I a lot when we were younger, and it’s one of my favorite stories. In fact, it kinda hangs out in my subconscious, and pops up into my conscious thoughts at different times. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the beginning, when James meets this little wizard man who gives him a bag of green crystals. The man tells James that his life will improve if he mixes the crystals with water and drinks them. Well, James is carrying the bag of crystals back to his aunts’ house to follow the instructions, but he trips and falls, and spills the crystals near an old peach tree on the lawn. So, the crystals transform the tree, which produces the Giant Peach, and, well, the story goes on from there.

In particular, the part I keep thinking about is the description of the green crystals, and how they magically dig deep into the soil to work their mojo on the tree. I know, this is going to sound totally weird, but stay with me. I kinda feel like my thoughts toward change are the little crystals in the story, and they are sparkly green bits of jelly that are bouncing around my brain and helping to transform the bad to the good. Totally nutters, but that is how I view my “revelation” that I need to mix up my life a bit so it improves.

You could be thinking, “duh, if your life sucked for TEN years, obviously you need to change stuff to make it better.” Very true, but that’s not how my mind works. The obvious is not always obvious to me. I gotta go at my own pace, and if I need some green sparkly jellied crystals to help me out, so be it. Also, maybe I knew I needed to make some changes, but didn’t know how to or what changes to make. It’s all very confusing, honestly.

Hmm. It just occurred to me that James from the story may be why I love the name “James” so much. I seriously just made that connection right now. Not really an earth-shattering discovery, but there you are.

Anyway, so some changes are afoot in my life. One unexpected change is that I found out a few days ago that my landlord is selling my apartment, so I have to move. This is going to be mildly stressful and somewhat annoying, but overall I think it’s going to be a good thing. I’ve already decided I want to have a little party when I move because I haven’t had one in awhile and it’s time. In fact, this weekend, as I was touring possible apartments, I evaluated each place’s various pros and cons, and then, if I still was unsure, imagined having a party in the place. If I couldn’t picture having a party there, I knew it was not for me. There was one place that I wasn’t sure about, but it is on the beach, has a lake view and the building has a fabulous sun deck. I can picture having a party on that sun deck. As a result, that apartment is still on the “maybe” list. In fact, it’s the only one I saw that is on that list (the rest are on the “probably not” list). I need to see some more places.

Another surprise is that a boy from my past has come back into my life and wants to be a definite presence. Hmm. We’ll see. I’m not going to write about him on this blog, just because that’s not really my style. But you never know, maybe my blog-writing style will change! I’m pretty sure he doesn’t read this or even know about it, so no worries just yet.

I actually made some resolutions this year. I don’t make resolutions, but I decided it was time to make some. They aren’t too exciting or big, but I think they meet my needs right now. In fact, they are really pretty minor changes, especially when I just wrote 1000+ words about making big changes to improve my life. Baby steps, dudes, baby steps. I’m taking a vacation from my problems, and I’m doing it with baby steps.

(tee hee – what will never change is my love for “What About Bob?”)

In 2010, I resolve to:

–Not buy breakfast during the week – even healthy breakfasts. It’s too pricey and my preferred breakfast provider – ABP – has too many tempting, unhealthy options.

–Extremely limit having food delivered to my home. I don’t do this that much now, but I want to do it less – again, it’s pricey and not healthy (most of the time).

–Revise my budget. I do this every January, but I’m trying to get strict with myself this year. There will be MANY spending moratoriums put in place. I love love love to shop, but I have to face the fact that I can get carried away. No, that’s not correct. I don’t get carried away, but I can get so focused on acquiring something that I become completely not at all focused on my budget and bank account. I rarely have buyer’s remorse, however, which is pretty nice.

–Never stop wearing cardigans, especially black cardigans. Someone recently joked that I should try to give up cardigans for lent and then see if I can give them up for good. To that person, I nicely say: fuck off. I love cardigans, and if they annoy you, don’t look at me. I fully admit that wearing cardigans all the time is kinda boring. I don’t care. I do many other non-boring things to balance out that part of my personality.

top picture from orangeisblue and bottom pic from wikipedia

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